Weekend Overview

So the weekend went pretty well. Not great...not a disaster. I did some hard core grocery shopping and my deep freezer is packed, my pantry is stocked. I have fruits, veggies, greek yogurt, natural granola, whole wheat pastas and brown rice. Chicken, cage free eggs, legumes, wild tilapia, wild salmon, and lean beef. Got rid of any cake-y, 100-pack-y, high fructose corn syrup-y, partially hydrogenated crap-y. Snacks will be fruits, nuts, granola, yogurt...etc etc etc. I have some good quality dark dark chocolate for when the need, or want, arises.

Saturday when lunch came the babe was still sleeping, and I hadn't really eaten breakfast so I took advantage of what little time I might have with only one kid and made a great lunch, and it was easy peasy to whip up. Damn good too!

Chicken quesadillas with mango salsa!



I warmed up some chicken I had pre-grilled, shredded a bit of cheese, and put that on my tortilla with some mango salsa to liven it up. The mango salsa is just too yummy for words, I use it on so much stuff. I get it at Costco, this big container for maybe $7...I can't remember but it's right around there. All natural too.




Here's a close up...

Just makes me drool...


The only thing better would be if it had more cilantro. I'm a sucker for cilantro.

Great lunch, filling, and quick! Much quicker than running out and getting some fast food to bring home just because I was too lazy to make a lunch.


I also did a bit of baking this weekend. I was reading through Kath Eats and came across a recipe for Baked Oatmeal Snack Bars. It sounded so good I got right up and started making it. Then I realized I had no raisins....the only dried fruit I had was cherries. No problem! I also cut up some fruit leather in a granny-apple flavor and mixed those in too. I added chopped almonds instead of the walnuts.

Ready to go into the oven!



Fresh out!



Then the baby woke up so I had to get a quick bite while it was still warm!



Not bad at all! Like Kath says, it's more chewy than crunchy and it's not on the sweet side. I think next time I will try it with some almond butter. Pretty good for a quick snack on the go!


Last night my husband and I made a pact. He is feeling some pangs of some added weight and decided to go out and buy a Wii Fit. Just like that. He doesn't have a gym membership, and well with his crazy schedule never knows when he will be home or have a day off. He's not in love with my elliptical...and it's too damn hot still to go out into the dry desert dirt outside for a walk (one reason why it would be nice to live in a neighborhood instead of the country). So now he has his Wii to play with...but back to the pact. We are making September our "no fast food" challenge month. None...nada...zilch. No quickie grabs on the way home, no running out because we're too lazy to cook. September will be the month of planning and being prepared to get ourselves on the right track. I'm so happy he's on board with this...and putting it out there makes it even more likely to happen. Even though it's technically not September, tonite is Avery's gymnastics night which would mean grabbing McD's on the way home.

Not tonite...chicken is in the crock pot, ready to tear into when we open the door!

Where Do I Start...

I am now officially 40. Wow. It even hurts to write it. I am freaking out okay with it. I mean...it's only a number right? Just like the number on the scale is "only a number". The issue isn't with the number...it's with how I feel, and I do feel old. My body feels old. I haven't been treating it the way I should lately. I haven't been feeding it properly, I haven't been moving it the way I should be moving it. I haven't been on plan with things in weeks. My body is feeling it and retaliating.


I decided I needed to get back into journaling/blogging about it. I need to give myself someplace to go and write things, to sort them out in my head. I thought about creating a new blog...but when it came to deciding on a new name or title...this still just fits. After all, it is about improving my quality of life. God knows that there are so many areas in my life that need shaping up. So the name stays...the layout has changed and it isn't quite so ho-hum-drabola.


I wish I could turn the clock backward. As I look back at this year I hate that I have wasted so many days that could have been spent doing something, anything to improve myself. Well, I can't say the whole year...actually things were going good until about June or so. Then who knows what happened. Life. Visitors, vacations, etc. etc. At some point the excuses have to stop...they are getting me nowhere. Actually...they are getting me somewhere...just not in the forward direction I want to go. For now...I need to return to journaling to help focus on getting in shape. I hope that someday this blog can be more about maintaining my shape...alas for now I am not where I want to be. So where is that??


Well, I know where it is not:
- not at 183
- not in smaller clothes
- not flubbery
- not tired all the time
- not eating crap
- not feeling the fat rolls
- not active
- not planning
- not organized
- not a role model
- not healthy
- not happy
- not.feeling.good.period.


At various days during the last few months I have been tinkering with what I eat. I have really been working on cutting out crap...processed...artificial...refined foods and going to a more clean way of eating. Fresh veggies, fruits, chicken, fish, eggs, dairy, and carbohydrates with minimal processing and ingredients. It's amazing after just a few days of wiping out the sludge how much different my body feels. I sleep better, I have more energy...my mood is better (my husband and kidlings like that one I'm sure!). No more diet Pepsi, no more powdered drink flavorings. The only thing I really haven't been able to ditch is my morning mochas...but alas I foresee my love affair has to come to an end. My beloved mochas have sugar...and starting off my day with the white devil is so not a good way to begin. I am going to find a way to like green tea in the mornings if it kills me...because plain coffee without the good stuff just isn't the same for me.


So....today. I am saying goodbye to the things that are holding me back in having the life I want to have. I no longer want to look back and wish my days weren't wasted. I know I will have setbacks, but I hope that they will be a meal or a day from time to time...not the norm.


...damn I wish it were as easy at is sounds...

Going the right direction

Well after some butt kickings to my inner child I had a great week last week with a whopping 3.2 lbs lost. This week was 1 lb...great; I'll take it! I am just floating above 180 now and will hopefully see the 170's next week.

That is...unless this flu that I just caught derails me. I got whacked by it big time last night...and major body aches lingering now. Let me say it's not fun having a baby to take care of whilst you feel incredibly cruddy.

That is all for now...just typing this much has exhausted me...ugh.

Just Say NO! aka strengthening my resistence muscle

I was pleasantly surprised (and shocked as hell) to see a maintained weight instead of a gain on the scale on Tuesday. Thanks the heavens above for BF'ing calories burned! Otherwise I'd definitely be up a few. Phew!

I have really made a commitment to myself to stay on plan for just this week. Write things down, exercise, no fast food, plan my meals. Just this week, to get through. If I don't start saying "no" to french fries, chocolate, etc. then I will always be able to justify eating it. I have to keep in mind that even "a few" matters. Dr. Beck calls it strengthen your resistence muscle...and pretty soon it will be second nature and you won't have to fight with yourself over every little craving or desire.

So, 2 days down and I am very proud of myself. Fast food? Yes...for my hubby though and I didn't touch ONE french fry. Not ONE. Typically I would help myself to a "few" which turns out to be about a small serving really. Don't get me wrong...the smell of McD's french fries is an aphrodisiac. I really, realllllly wanted to put my hand in that bag and pull some out...but I didn't. When I got home and handed him the bag I was so happy I didn't give in. I know I can have control over food, I just need to concentrate and act on it. Oh, and believe in it. Something else I am working on...believing that I can do it.

I mean...there are many things in life that I resist doing because, well, I just do. I don't sleep around with every hottie that comes within view because I'm married (okay, didn't do that before but go with me on this). I don't smoke crack because I'm afraid of the addiction. I don't go out and buy Gucci purses because to me that's just money wasted. I don't hire a hit man to do away with people that aggravate me because, well, it's just wrong.

See? There are a lot of things I have control over not doing. Control over eating should be easier. Should be.

Time to get back in The Groove

Oye. So it's been 2 months, 2 weeks since my son was born. Now it is roughly 186 days, or 26 1/2 weeks, or 6 months until I turn the BIG 4-0. During my pregnancy I had a plan in my head to be at a goal weight of 155 by the time I turn 40. Right now...that's about 30 pounds away.

Now I know that "they" aka "the diet people" tell you that it is not good to expect to be a certain weight for a specific occasion. That you may be setting yourself up for failure. I am just considering it. I would be happy with 20 lbs. at that point...and ecstatic-dancing-on-the-table-naked-ecstatic if I were to reach the 30lb. loss.

Given my previous history of weight loss er, "success", it has come slowly and unsteadily. I'll go for several weeks losing, have a setback, lunge forward again, setback...etc. I've always been a Weight Watcher...not always following their diet to a "T" but faithfully going to meetings and getting that group support. In other areas of my Real Life I don't have all that much support. Yes, my hubby supports me but when he says I look good at 185 and begins to tell me I'm getting too skinny at 170, well that's not the kind of support I'm looking for. Don't get me wrong...I'm grateful that he is content with my overemphasized hiney and birthing hips. Now included is the mommy-belly hanging over the battle scar from my dear son's birth. Bleh.

My dilemma is this. I have all the tools and knowledge to lose the weight. I am a...if you will...weight loss connoisseur. My issue is just plain 'ol mental roadblocks. I have a long time love affair with food and we need to break it off. I use food for all my emotional needs...happiness, sadness, anger, boredom, loneliness, frustration, etc. etc. etc. I will totally admit many of the times during the day that I eat I am not hunger at all. In fact...it's been quite awhile since I've known what actual hunger feels like. All I know is that I need to get a grip on handling my emotions without food. Until I do this no "diet" will work, and even if I do lose the weight it will be a constant struggle with keeping it off. I don't want to spend the rest of my 40+ (hopefully) years battling with weight issues instead of enjoying life. It really does take over my mind on a day to day basis throughout everyday. Thinking about what I will eat next, thinking about how I need to eat, what not to eat, what's in the house, what I can go get. I wish my mind would not obsess about food so much. I saw my mom struggle with the same issues and I don't want that for my children.

So I going back to the books...Dr. Phil and Judith Beck. They both have excellent ways to work on the mindfullness of food and why we eat...and how to break the connection. Stay tuned.

Whereabouts quiz

In the last month+ I have:

A) won an all-inclusive Bahamas vacation for entire family which includes babysitting and have been relaxing my post-partum days in the warm sun.


B) been selected by a mom and baby modeling agency to do cover shots at various locations around the world for an obsence amount of money.


C) been dealing with a reflux-y, no-napping, high-needs baby and some post partum depression.

...and with that said, he's up. Again.

Logan Joseph is here!

Details on my labor experience soon to come...but here's the teaser:

Water broke Sunday night, went to L&D...Monday around 12:30 pm as we were still waiting for things to progress (I was dilated to 6cm), baby's heartrate plummented down. After frantic attempts to get it back up failed (THE scariest moments in my life) we were rushed in for an emergency c-section.

Logan Joseph was born Monday, December 1st, at 1:16 p.m.

He weighed 8 lbs, 12 oz and was 21" long!

...turns out the higher-weight u/s's were right!

I've been home recovering, Logan was born without any complications...was able to start breastfeeding an hour after delivery (yay!) We're working on the routine. That is, I would like more sleep routine. I can't lift anything heavier than Logan, so Avery is having a hard time with that, and she can't sit on my lap. She's adjusting better than expected and loves to love on her baby brother.

More about the labor to come...!